Back from the dead

Well that was a fun brush with death......

I don't know how or why but I felt the need to stick my finger in the blender again.

Hello Hurt

Ugh....so it just did not all work out in the end.

So In love with this person, so desperately and madly in love. And then, the bubble bursts.Poof.....

I just totally fucking dont get it. I get the "why" on a practical level but on a cosmic level, its just unfathomable. It felt like it was everything it should be and now its full of doubt and regret. What was eletion and joy and a sense of belonging is now a feeling of uselessness, sorrow and rejection.

And all it would have taken was faith that the right thing would have happened.

Or not...........

So...now what?

I guess its normal to feel confused by life....But Ive been becoming more and more confused as of late. I don't know if its love, lust, obsession or fear. The Wacky Swede has had a profound effect on me. What I thought would be someone to comiserate with has become someone to mserte over. There's the longing, and the hurt and then the eleation when Im near WS. Its impossible to think staright when she's in my head, which now is all the time.....

So now what?

I could use a different job 

So, just what the fuck is this all about anyway

I'm glad you asked...I guess the short answer is..I don't know. I would assume the prior entries would seem a little cryptic to the casual observer, or even just downright confusing....I know, and I'll try to clear it up so we can git our asses forward on this here little love ride!

In a nutshell....my past is a bit chequered, but pretty interesting to me at least. I have had the good fortune to make some collossaly poor decisions twice: Marriage, Financial ruin, sleeping with other peoples spouses, booze, pills,whining and the occasional drunken purchase on ebay...you know..all the good shit.

In any event, the current "sitch"is that I am living alone in Pacific Grove, Ca, pretty near the beach and really close to my office. I have my two little kids part of the time and I no longer drink. I cant, I'm allergic and I break out in total maniac caliber stupidity.

Where I am going...I dont know. I used to really worry about it, but now I'm just waiting for the next doppleganger.

So thats kind of it for a clue to me...alone by the ocean with replicants and dry.

Hi A-hole 

It's always like an uphill climb, whether or not you are supposed to do it 

In the clouds

I'm in the clouds today. For Metaphysical and physical reasons. Metphysically, I'm sober toda and sitting in a bitchin coffeehouse in Boulder Creek. I've been with my Dad for the last couple of dyas at a Men's Retreat and its been really good for my "State", Physically I feel great about some stuff thats gone on too. It's Metaphysically wrong on one level, but Metaphysically right on anotgher. It's full of yin and yang in a million indescibable ways, but I'm glad.

Someone else feels this way too probably. I would guess a sad mixture of elation and guilt. A little more than trapped but a little less than captive. I feel that way a little too. I hope that person feels good though. i hope that person goes "Wow...now what?"

Need another reason to sober up?

Back in June I got to meet Kasim Sulton who played Bass in Utopia and still plays with Todd Rundgren and Meat Loaf amongst others.I met him at Summerfest in Milwaukee. Being the total A-Hole I am, I thought it would be really smart to be totally wasted when I got to meet one of my boyhood idols. I'm not sure what I said, but I can guess it was incoherant and I'm pretty confident I smelled like a liquor store.

Reason # 456

wha?...maybe its time to quit drinking

This was taken at the place I used to live with my soon to be ex wife and kids. I think it's right before I left the didgtal camera on the floor and stepped on it. That would be ruined camera #2. You can clearly see the joy in my face, and the happiness I exuded in my state.

Dude, reason # 671

Here we go

Well howdy and welcome to my Blog. I'm brand new at this and I hope that if anyone actually reads it they enjoy it.